The Quick Fix: Turn Australia into a Dutch Colony
It is a little known fact that October 25th will be the 395th anniversary of the first European landing on Australian soil, by the Dutch Sailor, Dirk Hartog. So I am preparing a launch, on that date, of a 5 year political campaign to place Australia under Dutch rule, on 25 October 2016, the 400th anniversary of the landing that might have spared this country from the mess it is in. Had Hartog stayed, this country would now have a Calvinist heritage, and therefore laws and customs protecting the meek from the bullies.
In anticipation of the transfer of power, I suggest we all live, as of now, under Dutch law. Ride your bike with no helmet. Assume cyclists have the rights of pedestrians, not the responsibilities of drivers of cars. Hell, dose yourself up on pot, if that's your particular poison, and if you're a madam, feel free to build a glass shop front on the front of your brothel. I also propose we all observe the Dutch custom of permanently chaining an old beater bike near any train station we're ever likely to visit: I'm heading down to Sydney right now, to chain something near Central Station, in anticipation of my next day of homage to Clover Moore.
The only question mark over this, is whether or not the Dutch will be happy to take us on. I mean, they take rather more refugees than we have a reputation for accepting to our shores. Conversely, we could object to Europeans' perceptions of themselves as makers of art, when all we see are bad songs on Eurovision. But come on my fellow Australians, and come on you kinky Dutch buggas: let's give love a chance! You've got the laws. We've got the land. Let's make this happen.