April 27th, 2011

Dr. Behooving's Quotable Quotes

Dear fellow wonderful people, after recently hearing so many pithy quips roll mellifluously from my tongue, I believe the time may be nigh for Dr. Behooving to formulate a BIG FREAKING LIST!!!! Over time I shall return to edit this post, refining meter, revving up alliteration and rhyme, adding new quotes, and thus building a repository of witticisms you may take and use to your own rhetorical ends. Please, if you will, I would be most grateful if you prefaced your repartee thus: "It is as Dr. Behooving hath saith: bla bla, and bla bla." Now go forth a slay those car loving Luddites with all these wicked one liners:

  • Cyclists can judiciously disobey lights. It's not our fault that cars are so dangerous they need such things to control them.
  • What is a pedestrian, if not a driver let out for air?
  • Cyclists are like hermit crabs, taking over space planned for walking, but which ended up being too vast.
  • If you are walking and wish your feet came with wheels, chances are, you are in cyclespace.
  • The upright riding position approximates walking with your shoulders back, to attract mates.
  • Cars are fat.
  • The legal blood alcohol limit for cycling, is as for dancing. If you were dancing okay when you left, you are safe to ride home.
  • We're building a world where luxury car drivers look upon cyclists with envy
  • Before hiring an architect, ask if they cycle to work.
  • Environmentalists, transit planners, and public health advocates, you'll be happier when you all put cyclists in charge.
  • In the end cycling may be as chic as eating cockroaches, or whatever else we're reduced to, when we've burned all the oil.
  • (I'll post more here and on twitter, as they come to mind)

Catenary chandeliers

Remember Gaudi's catenary models? His buildings were designed upside down. Each year I hang a chain in front of my students, and tell them about Gaudi, and about each link being in equal tension as each voussoir in a catenary arch is in equal compression. And now I learn of Carolina Fontoura Alzaga, who is recycling bicycle chains to make chandeliers guaranteed to rip the plaster straight off of your ceiling, if you don't fix them to a joist. So often the results of recycling bicycle parts are pure unmentionable tack, that I am stopped in my own tacky bike tracks, to see something truly sublime. From now on I will be doing that demonstration to my history class, using a bike chain.

And so it began: The Hunter Cycle Planning Network

The Newcastle Star is a free paper, with a real estate section so large it can be collected, and used to build actual real estate. That's a true fact. They also employ a very talented journalist named Lauren McDermott, daughter of a local bike racing legend! Good work Lauren. You have accurately represented The Hunter Cycle Planning Network's key messages. We are indeed going to transform Newcastle from the best cycling city in Australia, and indeed the whole Southern hemisphere, to the number 1 bicycling city in the whole world (actually, I had better go check our minutes. Maybe that's something I said, and the rest of the group said something else).

Left: the article (full text here). Right: Dr. Behooving has all his suits made at Rundle Tailoring, and my god they do a fine job.

Get the look: kind pa who might take you sailing

Be that grandfather you always wish you had had, instead of that tyrant who smoked on the dunny and flogged you with his belt. Be the kind of kind grandfatherly type who wears boat shoes ($120— on half price special), shoulder rounding cotton cardigans (a ridiculous $22 on special at Country Road), and Polo shirts ($20 at the same sale where I found the cardigan).
With this look, kids will come to you first when they scrape their knee, and rush to be photographed with you at the skate park. Women will see you as a refreshing alternative to the kinds of men who they find attractive. Men will buy you many free beers in the hope you will offer to take them out sailing, oh and their mates, oh and 15 hired ladies, oh and is it okay if they steer? Yes, here is a look to fool anyone, save perhaps my eldest son's buddies, who did seem a little reluctant to pose looking chummy. It's okay kids, I don't own a boat. Blew all my money on pushies instead. 

Enjoy this segment? Then why not check out these classic looks from the vaults: Summer Lover; Florentine Gigolo, Motorcycle rebel Really Suave Guys and "grown ups" from when you were a kid. Still wanting more? Download my free ebook type thingy, Get The Look, to read on your iPad.